This week I wanted to get into the topic of post partum and talk about where I'm at mentally. Like I said in my last post, I had a planned c section this time around. When you get home from the hospital is when the, ok....now what, sets in. You are tired so you don't really feel like doing to much, you may have visitors, you are checking on your baby every 5 minutes to make sure they are still breathing, and if you're breastfeeding then you're a human bottle there for that babies hungry little appetite. If you plan on going back to work then you are probably milking yourself (pumping) in between each feeding. All in all, you are basically a cow or any other form of livestock. You eat, sleep, and feed your baby. It's obviously much better than that cause you get to look at this amazing little blessing that came from your body and you know that this is all worth it. Then night time hits, and since (again if you breastfeed) you are the on call food, you are primarily the one waking up. You may have the most supportive husband in the world too, Ryan was AWESOME at getting up and changing her diaper or staying up with me, however, sometimes it doesn't always go that way. You may hear yourself arguing who got up last, or who is more tired, or....well pretty much anything can turn into an argument at 2 am when you're in zombie mode. Let's be honest, women have this attachment to their babies and can keep going when the going gets tough, because we would rather be an overly tired zombie than let our baby be in any sort of peril.
On to how you feel. You are tired (I'm saying you, but I mean me), you feel gross, you are sore, you feel unattractive, you are waiting for your uterus to shrink, you more than anything would love to enjoy a big ol glass of pinot noir, but keep feeling racked with guilt at the thought of tainting your milk supply, you aren't really super hungry, but again feel guilty that you aren't eating enough for that darn milk supply........so many feels. One of the biggest feels for me, was my lack of friends/support. Sure I had family members that would come by, but I honestly didn't have many friends around that would just call to chat with me or stop by. Yeah, I would have been a little psycho about germs and probably tried to bail if they setup plans (those hormones do some crazy things), but I guess I just really felt lonely.
Now that I am at 2 months post partum, I'm mostly over a lot of those feelings. The one thing that I'm really having a hard time with now is my body. Before I got pregnant I was in the best shape of my life. I was the skinniest and fittest I've ever been. Now that my belly is gone, I'm noticing all the places that thought they were carrying a child as well. My thighs, hips, and butt for example. 2 weeks ago I got the ok to start working out....what did I do? WAY over did it. I did insanity and felt great until the next day when my incision started to hurt. Lesson learned. I am now ready to start taking it easy and do more weight lifting and jogging, which will then turn into hiit workouts and insanity/cardio. I would like to share my progress with yall, and also do this to keep me motivated and to hold myself accountable.
On to more cheery things: Vivian is 2 months!!! She is so cute too. Little Viv has started to smile alllll the time and she has started telling us about all the drama in her life. I love this stage, I had forgotten how amazing those little baby smiles and giggles can make you feel. The things that come out of my older kids mouths are generally them fighting, so it's rather refreshing hearing cooos.
Lastly an update on me in other parts of my life. I have gone through many life changes in the last 2 months, and I'm not a person who does too well with change. Let's start with the most obvious, I grew my family of 4 to a family of 5, next I got a new job (haven't told a whole lot of people this so you are all the first to know) and quit my amazing job of 5 years. I have been wanting to stay at home with the kiddos for the last year, and now that Vivian is here I was able to get a job with Apple working from home doing iOS support. The last change is we have moved in with my parents. Sigh. It's all for the good of our family though. We have some big plans for summer of 2016, which include moving to Florida. This whole move was brought on by the fact that our land lord was planning on putting the house on the market, but we also wanted to pay off all our credit card debt in order to give us the best quality of life when the big move happens. Not only are we paying off debt, but also buying land and planning the building of our house. See!!! So many changes.
Welp that's all I got for this week. Next time maybe we can talk food, wine/booze, fitness, and other fun stuff.